Friday 22 September 2000

Mariah considered a fox

I think it's time for me to make a confession. I own a great number of Mariah Carey's albums. The thing is, I can't say they're in any kind of rotation in my CD player. So why did I buy them? I'll give you three guesses. No, I'm not a mainstream pop fiend. Nope... not trying to make Tommy Mottola any richer. What's that you say? Because she's *#$%ing hot? Bingo!

I think it's safe to assume that Mariah Carey's extraordinary hotness is just as much an album-seller as her uber-octave vocal range. When you're flipping through the channels, do you stop at MTV and go "My God, what a voice!" or "In a tank top with no bra?!" Exactly. Oh I can remember long ago, a cute, curly-haired Mariah, prancing through meadows, riding in hot-air balloons, and being more sweet than sexy. Thank God those days are over.

Imagine you're twenty-three years old. You've just scored three consecutive successful albums. You're beautiful, and most of the male populace of the world would like to do the "kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about." Then you marry the man who signed you to your record label, only to squander your ripe mid-twenties having sex with him. Then you get a quickie divorce in the Dominican Republic. What happens next? Apparently, your clothes immediately shrink, bras become "special occassion" attire, and Puff Daddy starts lookin' pretty dang hunky.

I definitely can't say that I blame her. If I were her, well, I wouldn't have married a Sony Records CEO in the first place, and I'd sit in front of the mirror at home all day. Wait a minute, that is what I do all day. With this abrupt jump from sexy girl-next-door to sultry sexpot sans bra, it's understandable that some are calling her some rather derogatory names. After all, seeing someone seemingly rediscover their sexuality mid-career is more than cause for a double-take. I can only hope, pray, and offer sacrifices in the dream that one day, hopefully sooner than later, Jessica Simpson will do the exact same thing.

(IGN For Men)



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