Madonna and Mariah Carey dethrone Elvis
Gays rejoice! Diva foes Mariah Carey and Madonna have made pop-chart history, sadly peeing on Elvis's grave in the process. With Carey's "Touch My Body" reaching No. 1 this week on the Billboard Hot 100, Mimi has now secured the most No. 1 singles ever, trumping the King's record.
With "4 Minutes to Save the World" arriving at No. 3, Madge now holds the record for the most top-ten singles, also trashing Elvis's benchmark. Not so fast, though. It's a hollow victory, and not just because it would require a séance or some god-awful remixed "duet" with Lisa Marie for Elvis to regain supremacy. Sadly, the Ladies Carey and Ciccone-Ritchie set their astounding records with calculated ditties that happen to be their most derivative, disappointing ever.
Mariah: A YouTube reference and Jack McBrayer in the video can't really disguise that "Touch" is an overly carbonated retread of "Always Be My Baby", Mariah's now ten-year-old, post-Tommy Mottola proclamation of sexual freedom. We get it, Mimi: jean shorts bad, stilettos and bikinis good. How about you use more of those eight octaves you got?
As for Madonna's "4 Minutes to Save the World": Isn't hiring Timbaland to hip up your songs very 2005? Hell, at this point we think Tim's produced a song on our debut. Did Madge learn nothing when she hired Babyface to get more "urban" in the nineties? Madge, if you're going to glom off some producer-of-the-moment - which you usually do in a more precocious, visionary way à la Mirwais, William Orbit, etc. - we really would prefer you work with Mark Ronson. And isn't JT young enough to be your kid? For shame, ladies, for shame. (New York Magazine)
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