Mariah's World has confirmed what we already suspected: Mariah Carey is from another planet. In this glitter-bombed, champagne-drenched galaxy, we're invited to recline on a chaise lounge with "Mimi" and see inside her "real" life. You know, the one with the soft lighting (because fluorescent is "abusive"), the his-and-hers yachts (with her now-ex-fiancé James Packer - awkward!), and the cavalcade of cleavage-spilling corsets and bikinis that somehow constitute average household wear.
In this eight-part E! "docu-series", everything orbits around Mariah as she boldly faces the biggest First World problem ever. How does one plan a wedding while going on their first European tour in 10 years?
After previewing episode one, TheFIX figured that Mariah's probably having us all on. As she gazes longingly at her $10 million engagement ring and stoically keeps the same lying-down pose in at least six different outfits for her piece-to-cameras, "Mimi" is the ridiculous diva the world needs right now, and she knows it.
So what can you expect, dear lamb (for the uninitiated, Mimi calls her fans "lambs")? Here are some highlights:
1. Mariah's manager Stella Bulochnikov is every bit as scary as the tabloids make her out to be. The self-described "Russian dictator" is not afraid to hire and fire in a heartbeat, making Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada look positively delightful.
2. We get to meet Molly, the personal assistant who sells her soul to work for Mariah. Stella outlines two rules for Molly: You're not allowed to have a boyfriend in the first year of working for Mariah, and you can't cry in her office. Molly commits both offences pretty much immediately.
3. The ghost of James Packer looms large, a la Kanye on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The Aussie billionaire makes a momentary appearance for a weird mumble and kiss in Capri, but he crops up in conversation a lot.
4. In another bittersweet moment, knowing what we know now about her September split with James, Mariah tries on her custom-made wedding dress in front of her five-year-old twins, Monroe and Moroccan.
5. Look out for a special appearance from Mariah's man-eating brunette "Heartbreaker" alter ego Bianca, replete with an Ab-Fab-esque British accent. Who said she couldn't do comedy?
6. The man who's rumoured to have come between Mariah and James, dancer Bryan Tanaka, makes serious puppy-dog eyes at her every move. His crush is painfully obvious.
7. And finally, Mariah's greatest fear is realised. She must be lifted onstage, poised upon a chaise lounge (of course), but she's freaking scared she'll dislocate her shoulder like she did in the past. The struggle is real, and in this very moment, so is Mariah.
(The FIX)
|
|