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Mariah Carey, lyrical life coach, returns with more advice

Thursday 13 September 2018

Mariah Carey, lyrical life coach, returns with more advice | mcarchives.com
Honey, you don't ever want to receive a breakup letter from Mariah Carey. The Queen of Not Knowing People, will always tell you exactly who she is. And she'll it rhyme. You ever been taken down a peg in couplets?

The Elusive Chanteuse - who memorably modeled unbotheredness goals with her 2017 NYE performance - is back for your edges with a new song entitled "GTFO", which stands for Grand Theft: Farm Operations. It's the theme song to a new game about the affect of tariffs on American farmers who aren't connected to large corporations insulated from the mercurial whims of the president by tax breaks. Really stunning stuff, and an exciting departure for the series.

Actually, "GTFO" is another sultry mid-tempo addition to the singers growing collection of pissed off post-relationship songs. While she's best known musically, for a) inventing Christmas, b) soaring love songs, and c) going back with ODB like babies and pacifiers, the singer also has a really solid bench stocked with the perfect song for telling someone they are trash, they were born trash, and trash is all they will ever aspire to be.

It should come as no surprise that the woman who knows her way around an instantly meme-able quip and often writes her own songs can find dozens of ways to tell you you're hot garbage in multiple octaves. If Mariah Carey were a Victorian heroine, she'd be the person writing 10-page letters about all your personal failings, shortcomings, and deficiencies in elaborate cursive. With a peacock quill. Because she can. Then she'd invite you over to her house for tea and finger sandwiches so that she could deliver the letter personally before taking to her fainting couch complaining of the vapors and asking you to shut the door on our way out. Mariah Carey is, and always has been, that diva.

In her new song, Mariah has a simple request for an unnamed (but probably yacht-owning) former lover. Get the fudge out so that she can go back to living her fabulous life. "How 'bout you get the [censored] out?" the chorus asks, rhetorically. "[censored] out, [censored] out," the background vocals repeating. It's a pretty clear message but Mariah really wants to make sure she's driving it home, so she continues in the hook: "Don't tell me these lies when you're bluffing. How 'bout you get the [censored] out? Go stay at your friend's house or something. Don't mean to be rude, but take your shit and leave."

Go and stay at your friend's house or something. Mariah wants you to get in your car, text Raheem "Hey, can I use your air mattress?", wait for a response, and then drive over to Raheem's apartment, have the concierge buzz up to Raheem's apartment, and then go up and go to sleep. Or something. Mariah doesn't mean to be rude. But you should take your shit and leave. With all due respect.

Mariah Carey has long been churning out the best understated takedowns in music. Like "It's A Wrap" which begins, "Yet another early morning and you walk in like it's nothing. Hold up, hold up, hold tight. Ain't no donuts, ain't no coffee. See, I know you seen me calling and calling. I should crack you right in your forehead." If you're going to show up to Mariah's house after a night on the town, boy you better bring some Krispy Kreme. What is wrong with you?!

Or take "Up Out My Face" in which she croons, "If we were two Lego blocks, even the Harvard University graduating class of 2010 couldn't put us back together again." That is... very specific. Mariah wants you to know that even the graduates of an Ivy League school, a class which included Ashley Judd and Jeremy Lin, could not repair their relationship, were their relationship interlocking children's building blocks. That's a stunning statement considering Ashley Judd can do anything she wants.

Or, go back to "Shake It Off", in which Mariah sings, "I found out about a gang of your dirty little deeds. With this one and that one by the pool, on the beach, in the streets. Heard y'all was. Hold up my phone's breakin' up. I'mma hang up and call the machine right back." Mariah writes a lyric in which she's interrupted by static and perseveres because she really needs you to know that you are worthless. An icon.

"GTFO" enters a grand tradition of songs about being told to get out, like Jojo's "Leave (Get Out)" or "Get Out And Stay Out" from Dolly Parton's 9 to 5: The Musical or the sound of a spoon stirring a teacup from the movie Get Out. But no one does it better than Mariah, the countess of the clapback and the lyricist who will always gladly put you in your place.

(Elle)


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